Five Bes of Family Unity – Part 3

If there’s one thing that can cause conflict in the family, it’s parenting. But it doesn’t have to be.

If you’ve been struggling in your marriage and home life, the Five Bes of Family Unity will help get your family on the right track.

Be unified with the parenting.

If you are a parent, I’m sure it didn’t take long to figure out that kids are a lifetime investment. Sometimes, they are your greatest joy, and other times your worst enemy. How can parents be unified in their parenting and bring peace to the home?

Four Steps to Being Unified in Parenting.

Agree to be a team.

I understand that some kids are prone to connect with one parent over the other. That’s perfectly natural, considering different personalities. But that doesn’t mean there should be multiple teams in the home, with one battling it out with the other.

I’ve seen this many times, especially in blended families. The stepparent can’t parent because the biological parent treats them as if they are separate from the team. This fuels disunity in the home.

Mom and Dad, stepparents included, you are the head of the team. You are one. And the team doesn’t work if you’re not coaching in the same direction. (Matthew 19:4-6) It does no good treating the other parent as if they have no say. (Matthew 12:25)

Agree to set godly boundaries.

I say “godly” boundaries intentionally. Many of the boundaries parents set are not godly at all. They are just a personal preference or concession to make their kids happy.

The Bible says, “Don’t make your children bitter about life. Instead, bring them up in Christian discipline and instruction.” (Ephesians 6:4) Do you know what Christian instruction is? It’s boundaries. Your children desperately need them, and you must agree on them.

Agree to give loving discipline.

My wife and I have raised four children to adulthood. And I have to be honest, we did not always give loving discipline. Sometimes we did it in anger. Kids can bring that side out of you faster than you can imagine. But that doesn’t make it right.

The Bible teaches us that if we refuse to discipline our children lovingly, it’s as if we hate them. Proverbs 13:24 says, “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.”

The Bible teaches us that God disciplines us because he loves us. (Proverbs 3:11-12) We should follow his example.

Agree to make God’s house a priority for the whole family.

Studies now tell us that the average Christian attends church about once every four weeks. That means in a single generation, families went from church every week, or multiple times a week, to a church of convenience.

This is a big deal, so do the math with me. That means we went from having our children in church and youth group a minimum of fifty-two times a year, if you only went on Sundays, to twelve. That’s a culture-changing decline.

Let’s put it this way. The average gym goer uses their gym membership five times a week. That’s sixty times a year. That’s a few more times than church.

Your family needs to be in church—and not multiple churches. I know teenagers who can tell me three, four, and five different churches they’ve been to in the past four years. The average churchgoer changes churches every year.

If church attendance is optional for you, it will be optional for your kids. And if you keep church hopping, you teach your kids that a godly biblical community isn’t important.